Our garden by Gellai Judit

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It happened so

that Josef wanted a garden

I did not . Very much not.

Terribly totally and surely not.

Irritatingly, viscerally disgustingly thinking about digging planting and raking

Generally everything that starts with words to do with gardening

Great quarrels and rowing followed

Since few weeks our life is about gardening

What has happened?

Us.

Our marriage, our love that can withstand so much, improving and making peace.

Many times, feels like I am healing but I am cautious with big words because we could  be also very callous

This needed to heal in me I admit

It was hard to get to this point

I resisted, blaming him of forcing me

We are too old for this shit

Especially him , I hinted accusingly whenever the pressure was too much to bear  

I was afraid he wants to force on me the kind of life in which there is no place for me , ever

The orange tree which I killed that was expensive by the way, symbolized in my eyes the whole thing

Later, as my inadequacy in nurturing trees turned into a lifeless sculpture I hated to look at

Feeling hurt by what I’ve done to it

We continued to argue and quarrel again which in our case meant shouting.

Loudly so.

Furiously passionately but always within love

That’s is our luck

Shouting and hurling rage until everything came out.

Nothing left inside.

Only us.

somehow I started to guess what is a garden for Josef

It is his magical place

Yearning to learn the secrets of creation and creativity

preparing for planting and creative magic himself

Nurturing life, nursing and talk to trees

I cannot express it as nice as him

Just guessing what is he talking about, inspired by it very much

In the beginning I did it for him

For some time now I know I will follow him everywhere

possibly resist at first, blasting him with questions, looking for the weak spots in his plans

and after opening to believe in his dreams I join him.

Always.

This the ancient law between women and men

I love it

now here we spend our days

we are totally amateur in this , this you must know

Compared to him I know a bit of an ant dick more about gardening but it doesn’t matter.

Befriending the living locals

Looking at them, trying to guess their name

Those we recognize which happens from time to time, we try to ease their life.

Weeding and watering

In any case we’re glad for their presence

Slowly feeling at home we tame the garden

certainly no thanks to us

We are still beginners

the garden is not bothered by this

Patiently teaching us

I repeat, with caution

don’t take us too seriously here

but still, perhaps you should

We live in paradise

Looking out to the mountains from the terrace as we sip our coffee

Josef smoking his pipe

Waiting for sunset with the glass of wine in the evening

We love it here

I hope.

Our fear is living here with and among us

We are old, really

My knee is  hurting

The chair has caved in under Josef

He almost fell into the water cistern

No joke ,

Still, we laughed like mad

So here we are

Living in the Garden

Cluelessly, stupid many times

Enthusiastically with great curiosity

with great plans and dreams

In the evening when we go home

happy with the clean house ,waiting to come back

wondering where do we really feel at home

Josef says

In each other

In this there is no quarrel between us

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